I’ve got to admit something.
I make money from some of the links you click on this site. Shocking, but true.
Daddy gotta make his money somehow, even if it involves slinking around on all fours like a hobgoblin and snatching the pennies that Bezos farts out while he saunters down the yellow brick road.
To add to this bucket of bad news, I’m an “Amazon Associate.” Much to their own chagrin, I’m sure.
The SEC requires me to disclose that, but I would’ve revealed it either way. Jeffrey and I have been through too much together to keep it hush-hush.
Long story short, if you click a link, I might get a percentage of that purchase. You pay nothing extra. Instead, the company has to slice off a nice piece of those FAT margins they are making and serve it up to Big Papa.
For example, for Razer:
That means I need 33.3 of you to click my link and purchase a Razer keyboard for me to afford one.
If one of you buys this expensive ass Razer keyboard (Huntsman V3!) I will get roughly ~$7.50. Honestly, it’s not bad.
Make sure to tell your parents to do your Christmas shopping after clicking one of my links. You got me?
Does this mean you shill for garbage companies?
Me? Shilling for companies? In exchange for money? I scoff at the suggestion!
In all seriousness, for affiliate programs, they pay so little I don’t give two shits if you buy or not.
My setup used to be a laptop with a trackpad and the Tyler1 Logitech headset. It wasn’t until I started streaming and making YouTube videos that I finally balled out. And I write all of it off on taxes anyway (luv u IRS).
I’m no Linus mfing Tech Tips—all the gear, software, etc. that I recommend is based on my own limited experience.
There’s no wirecutter product review system here. If it works and I don’t feel like spiking it after a week, that’s good enough in my book. All I know for certain is Forbes < Me regarding product recommendations*.
What about games?
Would I shill for garbage-tier games?
I have and will shill for shitty games. Not just because they pay me (some have. suckers) but because my taste is genuinely disgusting. Games like RAID are the tip of the iceberg. Perhaps my sordid upbringing has something to do with this.
As a child, I would go to the public library to play Evony (shout out those old ads they had). Besides Oregon Trail, that was my first PC gaming experience. It’s the equivalent of having black tar heroin as your first experience with drugs.
As an open advocate for consumer rights, I, like many before and after me, will complain about all the dog shit developers and their horrific monetization strategies, yet will still crawl back like a beaten dog. My monkey brain simply can’t handle the Skinner box BS in these modern scam machines.
The reality is that I am a weak crack addict, and TenCent/SuperCell/Plarium are my sadistic dealers.
I’m not alone, either. A small-time YouTuber you probably haven’t heard of, Mr. Beast, was/is addicted to crappy mobile games. So much so that he even hired someone to play for him.
I don’t have that kind of scratch, but by golly, with your help, I might.
All of that aside, I will never publicly out myself by playing one of these dog water games without them paying me. These MFers fleece me. So when you see me with #sponsored or #ad in my title, know that I’m getting my rakeback.
Do not join me in my debt-addled gaming addictions. Stick with good games like Risk of Rain 2, with developers that give a shit. Do as I say, not as I do.
Thankfully, the one great thing about these modern-day casinos is that they probably won’t read this. But you, being the adept and responsible consumer you are, will read this.
Look at you. What an absolute champ.
If you’re a company reading this and you’re wondering if you are one of these “shitty games,” you probably are. Battle pass having, loot box selling, with your five hundred currencies looking MFer. (but, y’know, hmu and let’s talk about getting me unlimited gems or smth hehe)
* I will remove this statement when Forbes gives me my 30 under 30 profile and puts me as the youngest self-made billionaire in front of Kylie. I have the hearsay to back it up, and my mom will agree too.